What are your thoughts on the best things to bring new parents? I struggle with helpful gifts they’ll actually want!AmandaDear Amanda,I have a very strong opinion on this one, so forgive me if it’s not within the majority’s view. Outside of close family, who often help out a new parents with purchasing the basic things you need to transform your home into a nursery, etc., I feel that the last thing they need is more toys, doo-dads, cute clothes, and clutter for their home.

I live with my husband and three young children in the northwest corner of the state of Arkansas. The kids fill our days with parenting responsibilities: school, extracurricular activities, meals, and bedtime. On the weekends, I look for parks, libraries, and other places of interest. But I’ve run out of ideas and am just bored with where I live. Add in the pandemic and my mid-40s slump and I’m mind-numbingly bored. Plus our weather changes day to day!

My father always hounded me to pick up after myself and I developed a real resistance to it. Now, with my own children, I don’t want to spoil them, but I don’t want to hound them all the time either! Anthony, father of threeDear Anthony,First of all, I wanted to add in what you sent to me — that you are a father of three — because I think it lends color to how much picking up you might be dealing with.

I’m in the market for a new rug for the kitchen, but I need something that’s durable and will stand up to lots of kid-spills and foot traffic. Do you have any rug-shopping tips?AliceDear Alice,I’ve got the perfect solution for you and you couldn’t have done this so well when I started Apartment Therapy back in 2004.

Dear Cubby Fans (and those of you who like to trip down to the bottom of the email each week and read this column),It has been an amazing year of growth here at Cubby. While we’re technically a year and a half old at this point, time has gone quickly and it only feels like now, at these holidays, that I can look back and take stock of how much Cubby has grown.

I’m looking for good stories to share with my children about these Christmas holidays that are accessible, reverent, and not Hallmark cliches. Any good suggestions? MartyDear Marty,What a nice question you ask. While I wish we had comments working on the site (they will come) so others can chime in, I’m going to give you the answer where my head goes right away: Peter & Lotta’s Christmas by Elsa Beskow.

NOTE: These short memory stories, dropped in as they are to my Ask Maxwell column, do serve a purpose. While definitely different, my aim is to provide context for what we were thinking when we were children, which will help us to understand our own children. I find that in going back into my own childhood and sharing stories of my own struggles and what I was thinking at the time has been very helpful in connecting with my own daughter as she has grown.

Now my son has escalated a new situation in our house of which my wife and I are both apparently guilty — we don’t lower the toilet seat before flushing each time. My son says we’re both disgusting. What is the truth here?!?!CarlDear Carl,I thought you might be back. 🙂Since Covid began germ etiquette has definitely ratcheted up and this is one that my own daughter brought into our home two months ago when school began again IRL.

When you’re a teacher, there is no holiday like Thanksgiving. The fall semester starts after Labor Day and you endure nearly three months of grueling class time to get your children in shape and moving meaningfully through the curriculum. You know the clock is ticking, parents are watching and your fellow teachers, all more experienced than you, are probably farther ahead. Teaching is very competitive.

My son and I are having an argument over which way the toilet paper roll is supposed to go in the bathroom. He insists there’s a right way, his way. I’ve never heard of this. Please help me clear up this issue with my 13 year-old in-house “legal counsel.” CarlDear Carl,This is a subject of which I know a great deal about due to a tiff I had with my ex-wife years ago in our own bathroom.

This week I’m trying something new — a childhood story about Halloween — because remembering what it’s like to be a child is always useful. Maxwell1976 was a big year. That year I turned 10, my brother was 8, our parents split up, and my father moved out. It was as if he went somewhere for a long weekend.  He moved to a magical apartment a few blocks away that had a bar in the living room with a stuffed monkey hanging off of fake palm trees.

We have a little one who is about to turn 3 in two weeks. Even though we never in our wildest parental imaginations thought we would be co-sleeping with our kid, he sleeps with my husband (and stay-at-home Dad extraordinaire) in the bachelor bedroom. Our son has his own bedroom that he slept in until he outgrew his Snoo.

Are there any design trends you’ve been loving for kids? Our 8-year-old daughter needs a room upgrade. (We’re working with a dated, slightly babyish space, TBH.)EricaDear Erica,I love this question and it gets me right back into my designer headspace, which is fun and creative — but also — very subjective, so let me kick it off for you and then you take if from there with your daughter.

My best friend is having twins — wahoo! What is the best gift for new twin parents?? A nap?!AnnieDear Annie, I would say TWO naps! 🙂 But seriously, I think that families that have twins probably have an amazing time — hair-raising, for sure — but amazing.

My daughter just started school in person for the first time in over a year and I’m feeling like time is flying. I miss her already. What are three things you’re glad you did with yours to make the time count? DelanoDear Delano, My daughter just started school again (didn’t they all?!?!), but she just started high school and now isn’t coming home til after seven at night. On weekends she wants to get out and hang with her friends. She doesn’t need me anymore!

My son is super active, which I love, and I was the same way as a boy. I didn’t grow up in a family that read to their kids and I had a hard time reading myself. What’s your recommendation for my 5-year-old? John C.Dear John C., I think I went on too long last week, so I’m not going to do that this week and overload your patience. Let’s great straight to it! I’ve got four books for you and they’re just GREAT and will interest a boy or a girl (I think).

I saw another kid telling my child that she didn’t want to play with her anymore, and it was really hard to hear. My daughter was devastated. How would you approach this topic with a child?Jo AnnaDear Jo Anna,This is a tough one and I’m just going to fall back on what I learned as a teacher and not try to be a smart parent on this one. I’m rarely a smart parent, but I was a pretty good teacher.

I always angst over kids using public restrooms while on the road! Do you have any tips? LizzieDear Lizzie,When I saw your question come in I felt really unprepared to deal with it. But since then I’ve had to stop a number of times and take a three year old to the bathroom, and YES it gave me angst at first.

My son is starting school this year — hurrah! He’s a little nervous, so I’m hopeful you have some suggestions on fun back-to-school rituals to get him excited again?AndreaDear Andrea,Nervousness around big changes like this is totally natural and it also means that your son has a healthy regard for what is about to happen.

I’ve been finding that I use television as a rescue tool too often for my 5-year-old daughter. Do you have any easy alternatives to cure boredom and/or exhaustion that don’t involve screens?Jo AnnaDear Jo Anna,This is probably the TOUGHEST problem vexing us parents in this day and age.

My husband and I have really different parenting styles: he tends to be really rules-oriented, while I take a less disciplined approach. Do you have any tips on meeting in the middle?BethDear Beth,First of all, I think it’s great that you have different parenting styles and that is a real strength in terms of allowing your kids to experience and understand two different perspectives and approaches to problems that they will one day solve for themselves.

How do we incorporate allowances — and what, if any, alignment should the money have with their chores or other responsibilities? JennyDear Jenny,I have really struggled over this one too, particularly when I’m tired on a Sunday, my daughter hasn’t been the best kid in the world that day, and she says, “You haven’t given me my allowance yet!

I need help and ideas on how to get kids involved in helping around the house — especially because we’re all here all the time.Michelle(Hi all! I’m working behind the scenes to get ahead and taking some vacation with my daughter – three of her friends are coming for the weekend this weekend! – so I’m re-running a few of the most READ Q&A’s from the past year. See you in a few weeks!

We’ve always had a car sickness problem — would love help with that!RobinDear Robin, We’re about to head out to a wedding in Iowa this week, so your question is perfect. With plane travel and a rented car, we’re going to be logging some long travel hours and my daughter, Ursula, regularly dislikes car rides (though she’s never been a thrower-upper).

My son is 10 and he is messy, but I really want him to at least make his bed in the morning. When I grew up, I had to and I feel like a bad parent for not succeeding here. Got any tips?ElleryDear Ellery,I have to admit that I’m struggling with this one too with my 14-year-old, and to give you some local color, I’ve made this little video to share with you. My problems only began about a year ago and she used to be very good at this!

Is it better to travel during the day (have to entertain kids, stop for bathrooms), or travel during the night so kids sleep? But then at least one parent has some serious adjustment to their sleep once they arrive.CathyDear Cathy,Yes! It’s road trip time finally after over a year of being stuck at home, so thanks for the question. I hope I can be helpful here, but I do want to say that any good answer could be very different for different families.

Hey, Maxwell, I heard that when you were a teacher you kept a box of your students’ artwork for twenty years. Is that true? What happened to it? LukeDear Anon,It is true! Back in January of 2000, I was in my second to last year of teaching elementary school. As my class and I crossed the millennium mark and all the fears of Y2K subsided, I had the idea of asking my class to write down where they would be in 20 years, 2020, when I would call them up to come back to school for a reunion.

My daughter wants to make over her room. She wants to hang wallpaper. Should I do it? MeghanDear Meghan,I admire your daughter for her adventurous spirit, and I also understand your hesitancy. Wallpaper can seem like a big commitment and with children changing their minds all the time it doesn’t always make a lot of sense. Here’s what I would say: go for it by transforming ONE wall and don’t do traditional wallpaper!

I am confronting an empty nest and finally have time to go through all those stashes of art. I’m ready to let go, but HOW? A Viking burial pyre of burning art? We seem to have gone through a heavy phase of paint-your-own pottery, with some hideous results … (but as soon as I think of smashing them, it’s like “Ooh! Then we could make a mosaic with the pieces!” and there’s a whole new thing to not be able to throw away).

We’ll be moving soon and I would love any tips on moving with an 18-month-old. Packing, unpacking, cleaning, everything that goes into moving to another state. I’m all ears. 🙂 EmilyDear Emily,At first I was, like, WOW, I’ve got to do some research and ask my other editors to get more info before answering your question.

I like to get ready before my son wakes up in the morning, but lately, he’s been waking up when I start walking around in the morning! He’s got a sound machine in his room but the floor does creak in the hallway. Any ideas on getting a creaky floor to stop creaking? Or helping a kid sleep past 5:30 like he used to? EmilyDear Emily,Thanks so much for this question, because: a.) a quiet morning with children still asleep is one of the most precious things in life and b.

I don’t really have a question. Just curious, what are you reading lately ? 🙂MyselfOkay, this week I didn’t get a question in my email. So I’ve been wracking my head what to write about — (send me a hard question!) — when I began to think about two books I’ve just finished and how they deeply resonated with me as a parent. They also made me think back to what it was like to be a child of ten with my own parents.

We’ve got a very small extra room that we’re turning into a nursery. What’s a good small space solution? JoeDear Joe,Good for you, and I know you’ll do well! You’re also in luck, because one of the greatest things about babies is how few things they need to be happy as opposed to how much friends and family may give you that you often feel like you have to find room for. You really don’t need much room at all.

Lockdown has struck us again and my kid is back Zoomschooling all day long. His room is like a troll’s den and his energy is super low. How can I help him? NancyDear Nancy,I feel very lucky that my daughter’s school has so far—knock on wood—kept them in the classroom since September. Last spring, when she was home full-time, she turned into a slouch-monster and never left the old lounge chair with her ready Hydro Flask all day.

During this pandemic we’ve caved in more than usual to letting our kids watch movies, and I would love them to be really good for them. Any guidance? MollyDear Molly,As a teacher of young children I saw firsthand the effects of too much screen-time on young brains, but I also believe in doing what I can as a parent to educate and turn a potential problem into an opportunity.

I’ve got two daughters, one in first grade and the other in third, and they are prolific artists. It’s all over the kitchen walls and filling up corners of every room. I love it all, don’t want to throw anything away but I don’t know how to keep up with it all. What should I keep? What’s the best place to store it all? NadiaDear Nadia,I have very firm opinions on this and kids’ clutter in general, which is far less special than their original art. Here we go.

I have a number of colleagues at work who are all having babies in the next few months and taking leave. I’d really like to send them off with a present and want it to be something long lasting and memorable. Help!LauraDear Laura, Coming off the holidays, I’m primed with gift advice and I really like this question, particularly because we’re talking about NEW parents.

As my son gets older I’d like to give him a birthday present that’s also a keepsake and marks this special time that’s moving so fast. Any good ideas? YasminDear Yasmin,I remember when my daughter was smaller, I’d bump into other dads and they’d all say the same thing, “They grow up so quick, don’t they? I just don’t know where the time has gone.