Maxwell Ryan

It's become a lovely tradition, and now it's on record!

The unique way I introduce movies to my daughter.

My daughter loved it at 7 years old, and she *still* loves it at 16!

Dear Readers,It’s been almost exactly two years since we started Cubby, and I climbed back into the saddle to write a weekly column for the new site. It has been wonderful to feel connected to you all, respond to your questions and plumb the depths of my memory for insights gleaned over the years that could be of use. It has also been really fun. I love writing. Now, however, it is time to take a break and hand the spot over to someone else.

I keep finding myself trying to tell my daughter to do something, but it turns into a question. For example, “Put your clothes in the hamper… Okay?” Do other parents do this? BrittneyDear Brittney,When I was in teacher training this came up often.

Stuyvie was an old friend. We went way back in the summertime as kids at the beach club and day camp. But he was older than me and, for some reason, whenever we were back in our elementary school in the city our summer friendships suddenly turned off. It was often that way with my friends.The Buckley School was a small boys school, with a coat and tie dress code and a fierce sports program.

I am in desperate need of help.  I live in a 2bd 2ba apartment, along with my 5yo son Abel. He is back and forth from here and with his mom, but lives here the majority of the time. I also have two older boys, David 17, and Matthew 15, that live with their mom and are here on weekends, and lastly is my dog, Toby, a Lhasa Apso. My apartment faces the south, and gets all day sun throughout the year.

Last week Baki asked: “My house is a living, breathing mess of my two kid’s clutter, and, especially with school coming up in a month, I need to get control of it. Any help would be appreciated.” This is a continuing answer! Dear Baki,This is my third, and last, little chapter that I hope might help you with your kids clutter problems – especially as school approaches.

Last week Baki asked: “My house is a living, breathing mess of my two kid’s clutter, and, especially with school coming up in a month, I need to get control of it. Any help would be appreciated.” This is a continuing answer! Dear Baki,I’m answering your question indirectly with a number of “tools” that I find really helpful and which can easily be applied to children at home.

My house is a living, breathing mess of my two kid’s clutter, and, especially with school coming up in a month, I need to get control of it. Any help would be appreciated. BakiDear Baki,I’ve been working on bringing my first book, Apartment Therapy: The Eight-Step Home Cure, to video over the past two months and it’s got some great tips in it that I’ve updated and which I think you might find helpful.

This summer my son keeps complaining that he’s bored and it’s driving us crazy. We’re trying to keep him off his video games. Isn’t it good to be bored as a kid? Paul & GraceDear Paul and Grace, Yep, boredom is really good for kids, but it’s because it usually precedes them breaking through into the next phase, which is deep interest and/or presence with something that they’re doing.

It’s so hot where we live we’re going to be going to the beach on the lake a lot. Got any recommendations for beach gear so kids are comfortable? ElaineDear Elaine,My parents never really did the beach and really left us on our own growing up at the beach club and the day camp there. We just had a towel and a suit and that was it.

My daughter is in sixth grade, school starts early but has trouble falling asleep at night so she’s exhausted every day. Any recommendations? LucyDear Lucy,I have insomnia myself so I’ve wrestled with this for years. As a kid I used to lay awake in bed and listen to my clock radio for hours before falling asleep.

NOTE: These short memory stories, dropped in as they are to my Ask Maxwell column, do serve a purpose. While definitely different, my aim is to provide context for what we were thinking when we were children, which will help us to understand our own children. I find that in going back into my own childhood and sharing stories of my own struggles and what I was thinking at the time has been very helpful in connecting with my own daughter as she has grown.

How do I choose a wall color for a kids’ bedroom that gets very little daylight?JelisaDear Jelisa,I hope my answer is helpful, because I’m not going to say that I’d recommend painting a bright or reflective color that will make it seem brighter!

My partner and I have a wonderful daughter, and our family feels complete. However, when we tell others that we’re “one and done,” the reaction is often one of dismay. The message for a single-child household is often one of deprivation; that our daughter won’t have enough family when we’re gone, or we’re keeping her from enjoying siblings. How might you address some of this internal parent guilt (not to mention, the single-child naysayers)?

I’ve always loved buying presents for my two kids, but now that my older daughter is 13, it’s hard. I’ve seen some of the things I’ve given to her end up in the bottom of her closet. What do presents even mean, at this rate? Emily(Good morning! I’m taking three weeks off for a little summer vacation, so I’m going back into the archive to share three questions that seemed very helpful this past year.

My son and I used to talk all the time, but now that he’s a teenager he just clams up. What’s a healthy way to keep channels open with him and stay in touch with what he’s going through? ElaineDear Elaine,This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot and this past week I had a small breakthrough (aided by my therapist, who is love). Staying in touch with your children as they go through the teenage years is INCREDIBLY HARD, but IMPORTANT.

NOTE: These short memory stories, dropped in as they are to my Ask Maxwell column, do serve a purpose. While definitely different, my aim is to provide context for what we were thinking when we were children, which will help us to understand our own children. I find that in going back into my own childhood and sharing stories of my own struggles and what I was thinking at the time has been very helpful in connecting with my own daughter as she has grown.

Could you recommend some chapter books to read to very young children at bedtime. I have grandchildren who are 5, 4 and 2 years old?ShereenDear Shereen, I’ve absolutely got some books for you, though I will say that is a big stretch in ages. The five and the four year old will be great with one kind of book, and the two year old with another. That said, older children love to revisit younger books, so you may be able to get them all together at bedtime eventually.

Three favorite storage tips for right now.

Hey, Maxwell, I’d love to hear from some other parents about small victories they’ve had and helpful tips at home they’ve figured out. Would you ever do that? HannaDear Hanna,I THINK THAT’S A GREAT IDEA, and, as someone who gets to go on and on and on sometimes, I’d love to throw open the door and see what some of you might have to share that could help us all out.

My daughter is twelve and just got her first smartphone, which is causing havoc. She’s got tons of apps going, doing weird things with her friends, and it feels like too much for her age. How can I easily, kindly, and firmly control this? MichelleDear Michelle,This is a huge question and has many different answers, depending on what sorts of behaviors you are seeing and which ones you want to curtail, but I GET IT.

NOTE: These short memory stories, dropped in as they are to my Ask Maxwell column, do serve a purpose. While definitely different, my aim is to provide context for what we were thinking when we were children, which will help us to understand our own children. I find that in going back into my own childhood and sharing stories of my own struggles and what I was thinking at the time has been very helpful in connecting with my own daughter as she has grown.

What’s the biggest kid-related design mistake you’ve ever made in your home?RebeccaDear Rebecca,I NEVER make mistakes! Hahahaha. Of course I do, but I often think about mistakes as something that I quickly address, learn from and then move on. So, in this way, mistakes are par for the course and necessary. However, if I were to think back and pass one one…. Hmmmmm….

My daughter loves reading, but her books are overflowing! Do you have any suggestions on good book organization solutions for kids?JonDear Jon,You’ve got a good problem there to solve. I also know what it’s like when your kid loves books, but tends to treat them like empty candy-bar wrappers that get thrown on the floor after use.

What was the single best thing you bought for your home recently?TaraDear Tara,I’m a shopaholic and LOVE to constantly upgrade and improve my home, so I’m going to give a short list of TEN THINGS I’ve purchased recently that I really, really love: 1. KnifeAid – I’ve discovered an easy way to keep my knives sharp (since I never ever sharpened them before and they are always dull), but sending them in the mail to Knife Aid.

NOTE: These short memory stories, dropped in as they are to my Ask Maxwell column, do serve a purpose. While definitely different, my aim is to provide context for what we were thinking when we were children, which will help us to understand our own children. I find that in going back into my own childhood and sharing stories of my own struggles and what I was thinking at the time has been very helpful in connecting with my own daughter as she has grown.