I Tried 5 Sleep Strategies for Toddlers and the Winning One Really Surprised Me!
Earlier this summer, our newly minted 3-year-old went from a sound and solid sleeper, to one that dipped in and out of sleep by whim. As a result, my husband and I were running on empty, often zombie-like and not much fun. We needed a change — ideally one that was gentle, practical, and sustainable. So, we committed to troubleshooting our toddler’s sleep, trying five methods for inducing those elusive zzz’s.
The Best Sleep Method for My Toddler
Of the five methods we tried, the BRB method was a clear winner. Not only was I in my PJs by 8 p.m., but I also loved the idea of my daughter drifting off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that I’d BRB. I didn’t need to sit by her side to offer comfort, and I never felt like I was abandoning her.
Toddler Sleep Training Advice From a Doctor
Jenny Bauer, M.D., the pediatric medical director at Oklahoma Children’s Hospital Sleep Disorders Center, says night wakings are perfectly normal. “Everyone, young and old, has short moments of waking up,” Dr. Bauer says, noting that we may experience up to ten wake-ups per hour.
“When we see toddlers [waking] through the night, they’re probably relying on someone else to help them go back to sleep,” she explains. This is what’s known as a sleep association, i.e the crutch (e.g., snuggling parents) they lean on to sleep through the night.
Thankfully, Dr. Bauer assured me proper sleep training techniques — plus a healthy dose of patience, consistency, and persistence — were the answer.
Here’s what we tried:
1. A Programmable Nightlight
The Method: In this method, parents use a programmable nightlight to indicate when it’s time to get up (and when it’s not).
What the Experts Say: Because toddlers can’t tell time, they wake in the night and think it must be time to get up and get Mom and Dad, Dr. Bauer explains. To remedy this, she advises using a programmable nightlight that changes colors according to a set wake time. “You can teach a young child the rules of staying in bed according to how you set this signaling device,” she says.
Our Results: After programming an old Hatch light to turn pink at 7 a.m., my daughter promptly ignored it.
2. The Silent Return Method
The Method: In this method, parents gently refuse engaging with their child and, instead, lead them calmly back to their bed again, and again, and again (as long as it takes).
What the Experts Say: Emma Collett, a certified sleep consultant and the owner of Brighter Days Sleep Consulting, calls this one of the most effective ways to sleep train toddlers. She explains: “The child starts to realize, ‘When I get up, mom doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t give me anything extra, so I might as well stay in bed and fall asleep.’”
To make this method work, Collett encourages parents to talk it through so children have a sense of what’s coming. “Set the expectation during the day so that when you’re doing silent returns that evening, you’re not giving your child the cold shoulder.” She also advises giving your child a pass the first time, explaining that the next time you will not engage in conversation.
Our Results: For my family, this method was initially a nightmare (pun intended). Like clockwork, my toddler would wake at 2 a.m., slamming her door and thudding to our room, thus beginning a horrible dance up and down the hallway until finally giving in. But, by day four, my daughter’s wakings declined noticeably. After a week, she woke once and needed only a reassuring pat on the back to drift back to sleep.
3. The Gradual Withdrawal Method
The Method: Over a period of weeks, parents move farther away from their child after the bedtime routine, until they no longer need to stay in the room.
What the Experts Say: “The trickiest part is not engaging in conversation, but letting them know you’re just there to help them feel comfortable as they fall asleep on their own,” Collett says. She advises issuing a short reminder every 10 minutes to say something like, “It’s time for sleep.” And she cautions against using this method for children under 3 who are in a toddler bed, as their lack of impulse control will make this one extra tricky.
Our Results: On day one, we finished our usual bedtime routine, I tucked my little one into bed, and then I sat nearby, vowing not to engage in conversation. Everything quickly became a game — jumping out of bed, running in for a hug, etc., — and it was apparent I’d need nerves of steel to soldier on. By day four, nothing much had changed, save for my weakened resolve. By day seven, she was chatting away long into the night and I was ready to tear my hair out. It was clear my presence at bedtime was too stimulating, so I abandoned ship gratefully.
4. The BRB Method
The Method: For the BRB method, parents complete the usual bedtime routine, tuck their child in, and then head out for a minute or two, announcing they’ll be right back. Parents continue to check in until little ones are settled in.
What the Experts Say: The idea behind this method is that instead of your toddler popping in and out of bed, the parents do the popping in and out of the room. “Sometimes this is enough to give toddlers space to get settled, but also feel comforted with you checking in on them,” says Collett.
Our Results: On day one of my trial with this method, I settled my daughter into bed, tickled her back, and then told her I needed to get into PJs too. I must have taken too long, because she was at my side in no time at all. We started again and this time, when I slipped out to brush my hair, I was lightning-quick. It was clear she was watching the door for me and I sensed a sigh of relief when I returned. Little by little, she relaxed into this routine, trusting I’d keep my word, and by day 7, she was reminding me that I needed to brush my teeth.
5. The Visual Method
The Method: Parents provide visual instructions for falling asleep.
What the Experts Say: “Sometimes toddlers can put so much stress on themselves when their parents are upset because they won’t go to sleep. But oftentimes the concept of falling asleep is too abstract. They don’t understand how to do it,” Collett says. She adds that if your child is having trouble, you can refer them to the visual and say, “Remember, this is how you go to sleep.”
The Results: While Collett recommends a graphic chart, I wrote up a quick bedtime story instead. With simple drawings and text, I described my daughter falling asleep, writing Pulitzer-winning prose like, “First, I lay down and get cozy under my blanket. Then, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.” I committed to reading through this short story every night while my toddler climbed into bed. My daughter took to this book immediately, and even acted it out as I read. While I question how effective this method would be on its own, partnered with the BRB method, it suits my daughter and I well.
The Last Word
Finding a sleep-training technique is truly won through trial and error. Once you find something you and your child feel comfortable with, Dr. Bauer advises staying the course, resisting the temptation to let your rules slide. To give into this bedtime stupor, she says, only reinforces the behavior you’re working so hard to break.